10:47 AM or thereabouts…

Christy died at 10:42 AM today. Steve was there and he said she went very peacefully.

My sister had a sense of humor right until the end, whether she meant to or not. Mom and I had gone to the bank to get mom signed onto Christy's bank account. Here's a thing I didn't know before: In Texas the power of attorney stops at death. When we were at the bank, Christy was alive. No problem.

Then mom went to the title office to get the car title switched to her name. Mom and Christy have shared that car for years and used to be on the same title. But when they moved and Chrisity had had seizures I told mom that it might be good not to be on the title with her. Christy agreed (although she promised not to have a seizure while driving) and so the car was in Christy's name. We both knew that Christy was not going to be driving again and mom would be and the insurance needed to be in mom's name and she had to have a car… see? This is why you need to think about these things while you still can.

The title change happened at 10:47. We will have to wait and see who decided on the time of Christy's death to know if mom can really be on the title or not. The car in question is a 10-year-old Mustang that mom just paid $1300+ to have the brakes re-done on. (Seriously, be careful what fluid you pour into the brake fluid port on your car. Christy chose unwisely.) The brakes are worth more than the car but it may be that Christy's creditors want the car. Part of the funny thing to me is realizing that my 79-year-old mother is driving a silver Mustang that is loud and powerful. Gives one pause. The other funny thing is that my sister, the master procrastinator, managed to die at the particular moment she did. It actually makes me grin.

We got back to the hospital and had time to spend with Christy's body. I'm of the firm opinion that when you're gone, your body is just what's left behind. But Christy had visitors after death and it was good for them all. The rest of the day was taken up with what happens after death to survivors. The funeral mass will be at St Mary's on Thursday morning. I hope the burial will be in OKC at Ressurection Cemetary around 11:00 AM.

Just for those of you who want to know about these things: no emabalming, cremation, no frills box, obits in the paper… expect it to cast $3000-$5000. And that's if you own your plot, which mom and Christy do. Another thing I learned today is that if you are cremated, more than one person can occupy a plot in many cemetaries. Who knew?

We went back to the bank for more papers, told them Christy died, and her accounts were promptly frozen. Luckily that was fine with us. But it was a heartwarming experience and that I did not expect. The woman we spoke to had worked with Christy, remembered her, liker her a lot, and cried at the news. Seriously – would that happen at your bank?

So there you go. Christy is not in pain. She died too young but she loved life. I'll miss her, but I will remember her fondly. I don't feel strong, or particularly special. This is what families should be like and should do. I'm average – not massively compassionate or special. I think we all are or can be exactly this way. It's what you do for family. And mine is here for dinner (which thankfully Steve is cooking) so I will sign off.

 

61 thoughts on “10:47 AM or thereabouts…

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through the next few days. There’s little that can be said at such a time, but know that the Lord loves you and your family.

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  2. I am sorry. I am glad her pain is over. You seem to be coping well and are surrounded by those you love, which is the way it should be. Amazing what you have to deal with when someone dies, right? You are in my thoughts.

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  3. Oh Becky the news is still a surprise even when death is expected. Great timing of your sister though. I am glas your sister is pain free, although she did die way to young. I send my love and best wished to you and your dear mother, you have both lost a loved one.
    I agree with all your sentiments too.
    Take care

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  4. Oh Becky, I’m so sorry you lost your sister; and your mom, a daughter. I think my dad had a sense of humor about the timing of his death, too. I’m sure he “held on” till the first of the month so my mom could get his full Social Security check, and died on April Fools day. He had the last laugh. Love to you and your family.

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  5. Becky, You are wonderful big sister. I am sorry to hear about Christy. Please know you are in my prayers. Take care of yourself, the next few days can be draining.
    Mary

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  6. Becky this sounds just like you very practical, to the point and knowing that life does go on. Fond memories you all can share and know that prayers are with you and your family. Hug your mom for me

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  7. Please accept my condolances on the death of your sister. A long medical decline is draining for all. You and your family will be in my prayers as you begin this new chapter in life.

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  8. Sorry for your families loss. Even having time to prepare doesn’t make the empty spot the person leaves any easier. So glad you had time with her before she was taken to the hospital. She got to see how special you and Steve made her room. Prayers for you all to help you get through this trying time.

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  9. Becky, so sorry to hear about Christy. I know you have the arms of your family and an entire community wrapped around you during this time. Close your eyes and feel our hugs. I have no more words, but my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  10. Thinking and praying for you and your family. My sister died way too young also, and you will find you will treasure your memories in your heart forever.

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  11. Becky,
    I am saddened by your loss. But, I’m so very glad you and your family have had these past months together. I have followed the progress on your mom’s new home and Christy’s illness, amazed at the strength of your family’s strength and love.
    Pam

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  12. I am sorry to hear about your loss but I was happy to read what you wrote since my husbands grandmother passed away today also. You have helped me realize that it is okay to take time afterwards to help ourselves deal with the loss. Your strength and dedication to your family is amazing, thank you for sharing with us.

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  13. I am so sorry about the passing of your sister. I pray that you find comfort and peace knowing that she is now without pain; and also knowing that we blog ‘friends’ are thinking of you.

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  14. I’m sorry for your loss but you don’t have to watch your sister suffer any longer. I hope that you and your mom find comfort in the days to come.

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  15. I truly want to thank you for your “honest and down-to-earth opinion” about the process everyone has to go through. It is those left behind that must handle the details – and being prepared is what should be. I feel that you are the one that had the clear thinking throughout – and thank heavens. So very sorry for the loss of your sister – and thankful that she is free of pain. Judy C in NC

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  16. Becky,
    I’m so sorry to hear about Christy. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and getting to know your family. I’ll miss her, too, in my own way, as I’m sure all of your followers will.

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  17. Becky,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    You have been a wonderful sister and daughter! Find comfort in knowing your family truly loves you and appreciates you very much. So sorry, you lost your sister so young, she is at peace now.
    Sending lots of love to your dear Mom, will keep her in my prayers, as she faces each coming day.
    Bless you, Patty/Az

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  18. Becky,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel I’ve gotten to know you over the past months since we met in February by following your blog. Love is like a circle, it has no end. My condonlences to your family. Just wrap yourself in a quilt when you need a hug from all your quilting friends.
    Linda Biondino, Naples FL

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  19. I appreciate your honesty and candor…..it is a painful thing to watch a family member slip away – and to feel the sting of the loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Peace…

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  20. So sorry for your loss. We too recently learned that power of attorney is good while the person is still alive. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help us as my Mom has no will and is dying as I write. Lots learn ahead of time while you’re alive I agree. Praying for you and your family.

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  21. So very sorry Becky. Even though you’ve know it was happening its still a shock and the grief is different. My prayers and thoughts to you and yours.

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  22. Becky – I have been thinking about your sister, you and your mom since I read your post on Sunday. I am so sorry for your loss. I will have you and your family in my prayers.

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  23. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of loss when you lose a sister/brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Steve and your Mother.

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  24. I’m so sorry. You have my deepest sympathy. Thank you for being able to share this with us all. We are all helped by knowing that we are not alone in our losses, and I hope that you feel this sense of community as well, and that it helps you in this sad time.

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  25. Thank you for all the wisdom you have shared – so many thoughts to take to heart! I know how much you feel the loss, but at the same time the relief that the pain and suffering have ended. For that reason alone, celebrate that she is now where there is no pain and only joy!

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  26. Dear Becky,
    I am so sorry about the loss of your sister. Since I have two sisters of my own I know how precious they are. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    –Claudia in Austin

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