About my mom…

I’ve written about my mom before so you know that her health has been iffy. She has come back from being nearly-dead so often that I was beginning to think that she was indestructible. Not this time.

Out of the blue, a clot lodged in her lung and there is nothing to be done. Or, to be more precise, there is nothing that she wanted to have done. She clearly told me so. And you know what, that’s OK.

Over the last few days, she started saying goodbye to everyone. I don’t know how she knew this was coming, but she did. She wrote cards, she was especially warm and loving with everyone. Monday she told me that she wanted to be cremated (already paid for), buried in a nice wood box made by Steve (it’s on his list to make), and that there was no need to dress her up in something when the time came. In fact, she said, if she looked good in what she was wearing and it was comfortable she was happy to go to heaven in that. My mother is a practical woman.

Mom and I have talked about death off and on over the years. We agreed that dying in your sleep, without pain, is definitely the way to go and that is happening now. Her friends have been visiting. When she was alert, she was practically radiant and she made everyone feel so good! It was lovely to behold. She is no longer alert but people still visit. There is some crying, but also lots of remembering how feisty she has always been.

I know that I will miss my mom a lot. She made me crazy sometimes, but she has been an ever-present, always loving part of my life. Her memory will always be with me.

Elizabeth-Snowman.jpeg

Yesterday mom said “I wish I had time to….” I could see the wheels turning in her head and I asked her what — and she went to sleep. I suspect that there was just so much that she wished she could do that she couldn’t put her finger on one thing.

I hope that I can hold onto this thought. It’s a reminder to not let things go until ‘later’. To be kind, and to apologize right away if you know you should. It’s also a reminder to enjoy every day as if it’s your last, because it could be.

This is not exactly the Merry Christmas sentiment I planned to write this week, but I think it might be better. Truly, enjoy the holiday time you spend with those you love, and those you like, and those you might not be all that crazy about but who are in your life anyway. In the end, our lives are about people, not things.

96 thoughts on “About my mom…

  1. What a beautiful way to honor your mother. We are always a child in our moms heart. May your family surround you with love and comfort.

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  2. Oh Becky, I am so sorry, and how wonderful your Mother sounds. It sounds as if she is very prepared and ready, but of course you will miss her dearly. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  3. Sending you thoughts of comfort and strength. May you and your mother face her loss with peace. So very glad she and you had the opportunity to say your goodbyes. We are all with you in our thoughts and prayers.

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  4. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and your family. I lost my mom in March and I miss her a lot but am comforted she lived a full life and is not suffering with ill health.

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  5. May I send you and your family prayers in this time of parting…you were lucky to have her for a long time ….it was wonderful hearing about her courage and gracious ways with everyone
    Blessings

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  6. I’m sorry to hear about your Mom, Becky. It sounds like she is ready to go & you are as prepared as you can be. It is too bad about the timing, but totally out of anyone’s control. I wish her a pain-free end of life. It is amazing how many times she has come close to death & then had a rebound–maybe it was practice, so she’d know what to do when the time did come…

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  7. Dear Becky, what a beautiful farewell for your dear Mum. She sounds very calm and accepting … and to be able to say goodbye to family and friends is a wonderful gift for those left behind. I had tears just reading this. Thoughts are with you. Unfortunately my mother died very suddenly 44 years ago on the 18th December when I was 23. To share those years with the most important person in your life (arguably) is precious. xx

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  8. Your Mom sounds ready to go and she’s made sure you know that. I think she has been a wonderful role model for you. So sorry that you are losing her.

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  9. Beautifully said! I am sorry you’re having to go through this, but we will always have our loved ones as long as they live on in our hearts. Peace and comfort to you and your family.

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  10. Hi Becky,

    I was fortunate to see your post on FB while I am in Denton today. I showed it to my parents, who send their love. I think my dad plans to call his sister, Pat, in OKC tomorrow/today (Sat), and will tell her.

    Kathleen Kelly

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  11. How lucky you are to have had her for such a long time and to have been able to have her tell you her wishes. She will always be with you!

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  12. This post about your mom is a wonderful message. May her passing continue to be a peaceful one. And may you take comfort in memories of her life.
    My mom had a peaceful passing. She loved cardinals. And yesterday I watched three cardinals in the winter landscape and felt her presence.

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  13. Becky, I am so sorry that this is happening – especially at this supposedly happy time of the year. I’ve been through this – and it’s not easy. My mom was given 1 1/2 years at the very most to live by her pulmonologist. She had interstitial pulmonary fibrosis. In English – her lungs were getting stiff so she couldn’t breath and eventually would suffocate. She lasted twice that. Six months before she died we were sure she wouldn’t last the week. She bounced back. And that happened many times. When the time finally came I was with her – and she just stopped breathing. My first reaction was relief. Relief that she wouldn’t be suffering any more. And there were no tears on my part. She had been through so much. She was so strong. My mom didn’t retire until she was 80 and up until the time she was diagnosed mom could and did run rings around me!

    I was very happy that she had gone gown shopping when my daughter was getting married – and that she was at the wedding. She came to Thanksgiving dinner and also Christmas dinner – and passed on Feb. 7th. But the tears come freely now. She’s missed my daughter’s twins and her single son. I miss talking to her. She was so darned smart. I could use some knitting lessons from her – and a few sewing ones, too !!! I think I talk to her just about every day.

    I don’t know what your experience will be like. But I pray for her to pass quietly – and for you to enjoy your family this Christmas. Remember all the good times. And, yes, as a mom I’m sure at times we always drive our children crazy. But ultimately we loved our moms with all our hearts.

    God bless you and your family – and I just know he’ll welcome her with open arms.

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  14. Bittersweet…wonderful that she is peaceful and got to say her goodbyes and was ready to go, but painful for the family at anytime, much less at holidays. It sounds like there has been a lot of storytelling at her bedside and that is good for her and everyone around her. Many times stories are told from a different perspective than you have heard it told before. I am glad that you have wonderful memories and that you had your mom for so long. God bless you and your family.

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  15. Becky yes a bitter sweet Christmas for you. I was with my Mom for 3 days and nights before she passed. Those are the precious moments I remember now. My older sister was with my younger sister and me via face time. She lives 3000 miles away. We were all there as she left this life at 89 one day short of her 90th Birthday. Hugs for you and your family at this sad time. Keep her good memories alive. I wish I could tell you it gets better soon. It is the hardest thing I have faced. I am sending Love and Peace and thoughtful prayers to you.

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  16. My condolences for your loss. My mom passed away this same day 7 years ago. She, too, was ready to go. She was a feisty, independent lady that could make things difficult. She had to leave the rehab center where she went after a hospitalization. We found a family residence for her and a week or so after being there I got a call where the nurse told me she had gone in to check on her and she was sleeping fine but when she went back awhile later, she told me “She was gone!”, My first thought was Well, go get her. She can’t be far. She has to use a walker! Then I realized what she had said. I don’t think I cried then because I knew this is what she wanted. She wanted to be with my dad and big brother. It’s not easy and I wish you the best this Christmas and into the new year. Mom’s birthday is Jan 3rd. She would be 97.

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  17. My condolences to you and your family. You have been so generous to share you mom’s trials and tribulations for some time now, and I am not alone in appreciating it, it has helped keep my own trials in perspective. Prayers and hugs to you.

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  18. What a wonderful story about your family and your Mother! She obviously feels that she has had a blessed life and is a wonderful example to all. Hoping you can focus on all the good memories and continue to talk to her!

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  19. Time is very fickle, it gives and it takes. However, you celebrate your Mom with love and tenderness and give us an opportunity to celebrate her also, wishes to you as well. Thank you for sharing and God bless you, your Mom and your whole family in the holiday season. Merry Christmas.

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  20. I thank you for this post about your mom…My mom went to heaven almost the same way…I miss her terribly but she was also a feisty momma & she knew many, many songs..she was musical & sweet…

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  21. So sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Know you will miss her greatly in the next couple of years, but it is good that you had a good relationship with her. Sounds like she was the source of your spirit. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Becky.

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  22. I’m so sorry for your loss. It is especially hard to lose our parents. But, it’s good that friends and family got to visit her and say their goodbyes. She sounded like a wonderful person and I know you have lots of happy memories.

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  23. Thank you for your heart-felt post regarding your Mom. My husband’s Mom died on Dec.13, just a few days ago. She lived in Alaska and he was not able to visit with her before her death. Truly, everyday is a gift. I agree, if you think you should do something special for someone, DO it now. You will be glad you did!!

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  24. Becky- My sincere condolences to you and your family. My mom is going on 91 and has dementia. I try to spend as much time as I can to be with her in the nursing home. She still knows me but doesn’t engage in those oh so long mother/daughter conversations we used to have. I so miss that but little does she realize that she is still a source of my strength. May a flight of angels swing your mom into everlasting peace. 🙏🏻 ❤️

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  25. Becky,
    My condolences to you and your family. I lost my mother on New Years morning 4 years ago, and I understand your remarks about the passing being expected but bittersweet. I miss the mother of my memories, but knew that she was not that person at the end. I pray that you will take comfort in all the memories of your past years together.

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  26. I read this “I wish I had time to….” as great gift to you… and to all of us. What can we do each day to answer that question… Hugs to you and your family, bless her soul…

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