I taught a class today in Donegal, PA. After class I needed to go pick up a prescription for what appears to be a lingering sinus infection. While waiting to be picked up I spied a spider web covered in rain drops on a small, not very impressive bush.
Isn’t it amazing what you can see if you keep your eyes open!
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Harley Christopher Goldsmith was born in the evening on October 1, 1981. He was big – 10 lbs 4 oz. Forget those little bitty baby clothes! He was cute and we loved him from the outset even though I don’t remember that he slept at all for at least a year. Sleep deprivation is what I think of when I see little babies which may be why I prefer older kids.
We set out to raise him in a non-sexist, non-violent environment. Christopher had dolls AND trucks. As he got older and was making every stick into a weapon I came to realize that boys really are different from girls. We finally had to arm him with a He-Man sword on his 3rd birthday so that he could defend himself when playing with his similarly armed friends.
I’ve written on the blog about Christopher before. Most of you know that he is married to Lorna and that they have 2 children and that he is currently working on a PhD at SMU in British literature.
Some of you know that he was a National Merit Scholar who, as a freshman (with a great scholarship) decided to quit college and soon after get married – at 19! He worked full time at Starbucks for 3 years before deciding to go back to college to get a degree. He worked full-time while going to school full-time and still managed to be a good husband and father. I am very proud of him!
When Chris quit school at 19 I was beside myself. We knew that the path he had chosen wasn’t the easy one, it definitely wasn’t the path we had planned for him. It was hard to be supportive when we thought he was making bad decisions. But we always loved him and let him, and then Lorna, know that we were there for them.
As it turns out, Chris chose the path that was best for him. He’s happy and doing what he loves.
At his surprise party Saturday night (planned by Lorna) I got to visit with one of Chris’s fellow grad students about having kids while in grad school. We had our two boys while Steve was working on his PhD. It was hard. Money was incredibly tight. And then there was that sleep-deprivation thing. But we were were young and (more) flexible then and the joy of having the boys more than made up for the money we didn’t have.
Among our peers, we were the nearly the only ones having kids that early. (I 25 when Chris was born and 29 when Jeff came along.) The trend was beginning then to wait to have a family and it’s a trend I understand. But what I told Chris’s friend was what I believe is true: waiting for job security, money, or a house can be a long wait and does not necessarily make child rearing easier (unless you can buy your way out of sleepless nights).
I loved having the boys around in my 30s and 40s. When the time came, Steve and I were both proud and happy to send them to college (and in Chris’s case, college and marriage). We were not quite 50 then. Now Steve and I love being together as a couple in our empty nest while we are still relatively young. Honestly, the nest feels pretty good, not empty at all.
My first thought when I said to myself “my baby is 30!” was that I must be old. Then I realized that no, I’m 55 and hope to live to be 111. I’m just beginning the second half of my life with two fine sons, an excellent daughter-in-law, two magnificent grandchildren and a spouse who I love and who loves me. Life is definitely good. And I’m not old yet :-).
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I've been in Grand Rapids, MI, since Monday. I came in to teach and lecture on Tuesday and Wednesday at the West MIchigan Quilt Guild but had Monday afternoon to do something fun. Diane took me downtown for lunch and to see some of the art dispayed in the Art Prize exhibit.The weather was cool and not rainy when I took the photo above but rainy later. I am living in drought-world so I seriously enjoyed the cool rainy days. I also got to see some of the leaves already turning – I think at home our leaves are going to turn brown and fall off.
Diane reminded me of the video made in Grand Rapids that I posted a few weeks ago. Remember this? Grand Rapids is a lovely city – neither too big nor too small and full of fun in interesting people. I am here during the Art Prize competition. The city offers a 1st prize of $250,000 to the artist whose work is voted best by the people of Grand Rapids. There are more prizes as well.
Artists from all over the globe enter and their work is sprinked throughout downtown in museums, restaurants, outdoors… everywhere. It's huge and exciting and lots and lots and lots of people go out to see the art and vote. Why don't other places do this!?
I didn't take many photos of the art. The project above is a collage of 365 photos – one taken each day for a year – arranged to form an eye when see from afar. I should have taken more photos but was a little worried about copyright infringement. We went to the art musem and I couldn't help but take a photo of the chairs below. I don't know if they are comfortable but they were so pretty! Like leaves blown in place around the tables.
We ate lunch at the BOB which stands for Big Old Building. Diane said that that's what people called the empty old building that used to house some sort of manufacturing business. It was renovated and now houses a variety of restaurants and bars on at least 3 levels. The food was good and art that was hung there was really nice. The piece I remember most from there was called Glitter Girl – an image made from thousands of small sequins that was really lovely.
The wall around the elevator on the 2nd floor of the BOB was covered with these smashed cans….
I gotta tell you – this was a very interesting wall. The cans were very smashed and screwed to the wall. The texture and color was great and I am trying to think of a space inside or outside my house that I can put up a similar one.
On the way back to the car we passed a window where a man was sitting. Except that he was so very still that he looked like a sculpture. We had just seen a sculpture of Gerald Ford that was just as lifelike. I had to go back and take his photo. The only thing that moved was one finger on his phone. He never knew I was there. I wish the glass and reflections were not there. I want to work on this image in photoshop – crop out the distracting background – later, when I have some time.
I fly out really early in the morning so I'll sign off now…
It seems strange to blog about normal things after so many days of blogging about life, death, and family but my life is getting back to normal and I like normal a lot.
Remember this?
This is the dresser (with matching chest) that Steve was stripping for our bedroom in August. I wrote about it here. After much work, stripping and sanding and refinishing we ended up with two pieces that looked like this:
Luckily we like a distressed look because the paint would just not all come off. These pieces date to the 1950s and are solid and work well but the ends of each piece is masonite! We were both surprised by that. (FYI: I spray painted the hardware.)
After living with these pieces unfinished for a while I decided to wallpaper the ends. Wallpaper is not very popular right now unless it is high-end, art-y, and expensive. I didn't have time for an internet search and I really didn't want to spend a fortune so I went to Lowe's where the selection is limited but interesting. I ended up with a pattern called 'purple lace' – in brown and green. The saleswoman and I had to puzzle over that for a while, hoping that the roll would come in the correct color and not purple.
Here's my dresser:
Steve says he likes our old furniture better but Mom is using it and she likes it better too :-).
Also on my list is to take photos of the finished rooms at Mom's house. I've tried and it's not as easy as it sounds. But it is on the list!
First let me say thank you to one and all for your kind words and good wishes. They did, and do, help a lot.
My last post was on Monday, the day Christy died. Odd to think that today is less than a week away from that day. So much has happened and I figure that you all would like to be caught up on the news. Monday afternoon was filled with important errands, a visit to the lawyer, and dinner. I think every night since last Monday, dinner has been an event with extra people.
Mom and I started sorting through papers Tuesday morning. I found Christy’s will in a bag with her purses. She was actually a pretty organized person so I don’t know how it ended up there. I also found the receipt from her favorite watch, the links that she had had removed, and the watch itself. Mom said she thought Christy would want me to have it and I’ve worn it daily since then. I find I’m enjoying it as a reminder of my sister and because it’s a nice watch. (Christy loved good bling.)
Jeff flew in from Baltimore on Tuesday. He helped mom notify all of the people that needed to know about Christy’s death. Christy died with a lot of medical debt and just about no assets. Once the dust settles and we have death certificates Mom will have to decide how to divide the bit of money between those who want it.
Jeff went with mom to get car insurance. Luckily the title papers that she filed on Monday were what she needed. They went to lunch. Honestly I think they had a very nice day. Mom doesn’t get to spend time one-on-one with Jeff very often. He was the perfect person to help her with what had to be done that day. I’m not sure what I did on Tuesday, but I was busy.
The funeral mass was scheduled for Thursday in Sherman, the burial service for Friday in OKC. Both were followed by lunch for those who attended. Wednesday was busy getting everything ready for Thursday and Friday. Among the many errands we ran on Wednesday was a meeting with Fr. Jeremy Myers, our parish priest. He had not met Christy and wanted us to talk to him about her. We also went to the funeral home to pick up Christy in her lovely wooden box. I printed this photo of her to put next to her box at both services. It’s also the photo that ran with her obituary. Christopher wrote the obituary and he did a great job.
I’m here to tell you that cremation is a lot more casual that your regular ‘body in a casket’ funeral. For one thing, a box of cremains (a word that drives me crazy so that’s the last you will read it here) is easy to carry. It’s hard to be formal with a box the size of a cereal box. Christy road home in the back seat and was at mom’s house for the dinner that night.
Linda and Paul arrived in Sherman as well. A few of our friends rounded out the group. It’s odd to think that the first party at mom’s new house was this dinner, but it was. And it was nice!
It was rainy and cooler on Thursday – perfect weather for my sister who loved rainy days. The rest of us were happy to see rain too since we’re in the middle of a drought. Fr. Jeremy gave the best funeral sermon I have ever heard. It wasn’t just my opinion – it seemed to the general consensus. Mom said later that it was really comforting. The lunch was very nice and there was time to visit with a variety of family and friends. Afterwards, Steve took Christy back to the car for the ride home.
Thursday afternoon we realized that the afternoon was free. Mom wanted to chill, run her own errands in her car, by herself thank you very much. Linda and I decided to go to McKinney to shop for fabric at the Quilt Asylum.
Linda and I were doing a serious stash re-stocking. Here’s my pile:
Linda had a similar pile. We got home in time for, you guessed it, dinner!
Friday morning we headed north to OKC for the burial service. It took three cars, mom and Christy rode with me and Steve. The kids were in separate cars. It was surprisingly cold in OKC, and thunderstormy. I did not choose my outfit wisely and just about froze. Mom was much better prepared. Deacon Dennis Frazier presided at this service. He had met Christy several times in the hospital and he remembered her well. She liked him a lot so it was nice that he was able to do this.
A funeral, in my opinion, should be less weepy and more happy. Both of Christy’s services and the lunches after were happy celebrations of her life. We got to visit family and mom especially got to see friends she had not seen in a while.
After lunch the rest of our group went home to Texas. Mom and I spent the night with my dad’s cousin who has always been Aunt Pat to me. Aunt Pat helped us set up the service and llunch in OKC and was generally very helpful. It’s so nice to have good people around your!
We took some time after lunch for mom to choose Christy’s marker. Then we had the afternoon free (again) and I asked mom where she might want to go since she might not be back in OKC again for a while. We went to JC Penney’s at Penn Square, the big mall by her old house. We checked out her old house and she was happy to see that it looked just the same. And then we went to her favorite antique store where she found an orange and red chicken dish and a pottery vase. The visit with Aunt Pat was lovely, we slept well, and stopped at Big Truck Tacos on the way out of town for a breakfast taco.
That was yesterday, Saturday. I got home and helped Steve finish the house cleaning and then we set the house up for the beginning of the year biology department party. We host this party pretty often and really enjoy it – and we enjoyed it again last night. Life goes on – and I’m glad it does.
I did learn some more things about funerals over the last few days that I can share with you:
I think that’s it. If I think of more I’ll let you know. Tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of a work week and I’ll be right here, at my computer, working, enjoying being alive.
Christy died at 10:42 AM today. Steve was there and he said she went very peacefully.
My sister had a sense of humor right until the end, whether she meant to or not. Mom and I had gone to the bank to get mom signed onto Christy's bank account. Here's a thing I didn't know before: In Texas the power of attorney stops at death. When we were at the bank, Christy was alive. No problem.
Then mom went to the title office to get the car title switched to her name. Mom and Christy have shared that car for years and used to be on the same title. But when they moved and Chrisity had had seizures I told mom that it might be good not to be on the title with her. Christy agreed (although she promised not to have a seizure while driving) and so the car was in Christy's name. We both knew that Christy was not going to be driving again and mom would be and the insurance needed to be in mom's name and she had to have a car… see? This is why you need to think about these things while you still can.
The title change happened at 10:47. We will have to wait and see who decided on the time of Christy's death to know if mom can really be on the title or not. The car in question is a 10-year-old Mustang that mom just paid $1300+ to have the brakes re-done on. (Seriously, be careful what fluid you pour into the brake fluid port on your car. Christy chose unwisely.) The brakes are worth more than the car but it may be that Christy's creditors want the car. Part of the funny thing to me is realizing that my 79-year-old mother is driving a silver Mustang that is loud and powerful. Gives one pause. The other funny thing is that my sister, the master procrastinator, managed to die at the particular moment she did. It actually makes me grin.
We got back to the hospital and had time to spend with Christy's body. I'm of the firm opinion that when you're gone, your body is just what's left behind. But Christy had visitors after death and it was good for them all. The rest of the day was taken up with what happens after death to survivors. The funeral mass will be at St Mary's on Thursday morning. I hope the burial will be in OKC at Ressurection Cemetary around 11:00 AM.
Just for those of you who want to know about these things: no emabalming, cremation, no frills box, obits in the paper… expect it to cast $3000-$5000. And that's if you own your plot, which mom and Christy do. Another thing I learned today is that if you are cremated, more than one person can occupy a plot in many cemetaries. Who knew?
We went back to the bank for more papers, told them Christy died, and her accounts were promptly frozen. Luckily that was fine with us. But it was a heartwarming experience and that I did not expect. The woman we spoke to had worked with Christy, remembered her, liker her a lot, and cried at the news. Seriously – would that happen at your bank?
So there you go. Christy is not in pain. She died too young but she loved life. I'll miss her, but I will remember her fondly. I don't feel strong, or particularly special. This is what families should be like and should do. I'm average – not massively compassionate or special. I think we all are or can be exactly this way. It's what you do for family. And mine is here for dinner (which thankfully Steve is cooking) so I will sign off.
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