Christy died at 10:42 AM today. Steve was there and he said she went very peacefully.

My sister had a sense of humor right until the end, whether she meant to or not. Mom and I had gone to the bank to get mom signed onto Christy's bank account. Here's a thing I didn't know before: In Texas the power of attorney stops at death. When we were at the bank, Christy was alive. No problem.

Then mom went to the title office to get the car title switched to her name. Mom and Christy have shared that car for years and used to be on the same title. But when they moved and Chrisity had had seizures I told mom that it might be good not to be on the title with her. Christy agreed (although she promised not to have a seizure while driving) and so the car was in Christy's name. We both knew that Christy was not going to be driving again and mom would be and the insurance needed to be in mom's name and she had to have a car… see? This is why you need to think about these things while you still can.

The title change happened at 10:47. We will have to wait and see who decided on the time of Christy's death to know if mom can really be on the title or not. The car in question is a 10-year-old Mustang that mom just paid $1300+ to have the brakes re-done on. (Seriously, be careful what fluid you pour into the brake fluid port on your car. Christy chose unwisely.) The brakes are worth more than the car but it may be that Christy's creditors want the car. Part of the funny thing to me is realizing that my 79-year-old mother is driving a silver Mustang that is loud and powerful. Gives one pause. The other funny thing is that my sister, the master procrastinator, managed to die at the particular moment she did. It actually makes me grin.

We got back to the hospital and had time to spend with Christy's body. I'm of the firm opinion that when you're gone, your body is just what's left behind. But Christy had visitors after death and it was good for them all. The rest of the day was taken up with what happens after death to survivors. The funeral mass will be at St Mary's on Thursday morning. I hope the burial will be in OKC at Ressurection Cemetary around 11:00 AM.

Just for those of you who want to know about these things: no emabalming, cremation, no frills box, obits in the paper… expect it to cast $3000-$5000. And that's if you own your plot, which mom and Christy do. Another thing I learned today is that if you are cremated, more than one person can occupy a plot in many cemetaries. Who knew?

We went back to the bank for more papers, told them Christy died, and her accounts were promptly frozen. Luckily that was fine with us. But it was a heartwarming experience and that I did not expect. The woman we spoke to had worked with Christy, remembered her, liker her a lot, and cried at the news. Seriously – would that happen at your bank?

So there you go. Christy is not in pain. She died too young but she loved life. I'll miss her, but I will remember her fondly. I don't feel strong, or particularly special. This is what families should be like and should do. I'm average – not massively compassionate or special. I think we all are or can be exactly this way. It's what you do for family. And mine is here for dinner (which thankfully Steve is cooking) so I will sign off.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. I have to say that Christy is proving me wrong, yet again. Little sisters do that so often, don't they? Over the years I'd think I'd know exactly what she would do or say and then she'd do just the opposite. So, she did not die yesterday. She's still here – and even the nurses seem a bit surprised about that. I think she is aware of a bit of what's going on around her. The pain is mostly under control. We are, each of us, doing what we can to make the end of her life go well.

Since it is my nature to share what I learn from my experiences, in no particular order I'll tell you some of what I've learned:

• Everyone deals with death differently. People can say or do things that might make you bit crazy. It's a good idea to assume that everyone means well and not to take offense. I like to control my environment but in this case I'm finding that it's a lot better for all concerned to let people do what they want or feel the need to do.
• Be polite, especially to care givers. They have a job to do and by and large they are good at their job. We have been very lucky in that regard. How you treat the nurses and doctors has an impact on how they view the person in the bed.
• It's not a bad idea to tell the nurses and doctors about the life of the person they are treating. Christy can't share the fact that she worked in health care and in hospitals all of her adult life. Knowing some of the details makes the person in the bed a 'person' in addition to being a patient.
• Take care of your legal matters now. Christy put off getting her Texas will done. She was going to do it when her wound healed in a week or so. Too late for that now and Mom and I are going to have to go see the lawyer – today probably. I've heard that people don't get their wills done because it makes they are afraid of dying. Everybody dies and pretending you aren't going to is not going to save you. If you love your family, deal with your legal stuff. That said, Steve and I need to update our wills (and powers of attorney, and universla HIPPA form).
• Make sure you have a nice picture for your obituary and if you feel strongly about what you want written, write it yourself.
• If you know what you want done with your body when you aren't using it any more, be sure that you leave those instructions. Luckily we all know what Christy wants. For myself, just in case I get hit by a car on the way home: no embalming, cardboard box, cremation. Keep it cheap – expensive funeral gear drives me crazy. I would prefer to be scattered but I don't think that's allowed in the Catholic church. I'd be good with being planted on campus under a tree but I'll bet that's not allowed either. By then it won't be my problem. Plant me wherever. Oh – have a party instead of something weepy and serve wine and beer and cake. See, that's not so hard!
• If you are on 'watch' remember that it is really important to sleep. Share the watches so that you aren't so sleep-deprived that you can't think because you are going to have to think and make decisions.

That's all for now. I'll let you all know what happens. Thanks again for you good wishes.

September 11 has become a day of reflection for so many people. The date has meaning in the larger world but it has become meaningful to my family in a different way. On September 11, 2008, Christy's kidneys were removed. Today, September 11, 2011 is probably going to be the day she dies.

Chirsty had been doing so very well. Her infection was healing, she was happy and making new friends. I really thought she was headed for some good times. But on Thursday she developed a gastric bleed. By the end of the day it was bad enough that they moved her back to the ICU at the hospital. She decided that she'd had enough. All treatment stopped and the pain alleviation began.

That sounds so civiliized, doesn't it? In many ways it has been. The physicians and nurses have been better than I could hope for for myself. But the fact is that when you are strong-willed, even when you want to die it's not that easy. We did have time to visit, and joke some (she has always had a good sense of humor) before the drugs took over. She, and we, have had company. She'd be happy if she could be to realize how many people will remember her with love.

The photos above and below were taken right around the time her kidneys were removed.

At the time we took these she wasn't keen on the idea because the disease had already aged her some. But looking at them now she was the picture of health then. I mention this especially for those of you who avoid pictures. Please lighten up and let people take your picture. It's not for you, it's for them. Pictures are yet another bit of yourself that you leave behind. It helps people remember you. Here are two of my favorites of my sister and me:

Christy and I have had a complicated relationship over the years but, whether we were happy with each other or not, we have always been protective of each other. I'm glad I'm here to help her now. I'm glad the newer good memories will take precedence over the rougher times in the past.

Here they are. Just as a reminder, each of these quilts is only 16" x 16" square.

Poised For Flight by Caryl Bryer Fallert

Whirling Star by Judy Mathieson

Lucid Moments by Libby Lehman

Last of the Garden by Mary Sorenson

Little Paisley Peacock by Pat Holly (Pat is Sue Nickels' sister. Did you know that? They are on opposing teams!)

Forget Me Not by Ricky Tims

I have to say that these quilts are just as wonderful as my team's quilts. That said, it is a challenge. We only win bragging rights, but I'm not above bragging!

Click here to go to the Stanley Cup Quilt-Off main page.

I suppose it's only fair to give equal time to the opposing team, the Rotary Blades. Here they are:

Caryl Bryer Fallert

Judy Mathieson

Libby Lehman

Mary Sorensen

Pat Holly

Ricky Tims

I think we, the fierce Feed Dogs, can take them in the Stanley Cup Quilt-Off! Tomorrow I'll show you their quilts.

Did you know that every now and then Google does something fun on their home page? Today I read in USA Today about a Google Doodle tribute to Freddie Mercury, of Queen fame, who died in 1991. Because it's Labor Day here, the US celebration will be at google.com tomorrow (Tuesday). Until then, you can head over to google.co.uk.

Clicking on the "play" icon launches a YouTube video (which I've embedded below)  to the tune of Mercury-led rock band Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now." A second click brings you to Google search results for Mercury from Wikipedia and more. This music takes me back to my younger years…